I swear she didn't look like that last week.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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