You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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