I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize