he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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