Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
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I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
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