im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
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Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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