I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
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Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
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Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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