I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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