She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
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I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
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I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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