I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
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we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
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I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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