Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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