The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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