The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
this is an emotional support booty call
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize