Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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