Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
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Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
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My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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