I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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