her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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