We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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