fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
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