Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
