I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
false alarm, still single
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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