I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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