at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Still dying that you shit outside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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