How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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