You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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