he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
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i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
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Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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