I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
birth control should be required to get into college
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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