You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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