She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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