Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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