Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
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Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
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Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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