Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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