yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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