the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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