He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
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I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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