I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize