Just cropdusted the office
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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