Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize