Little spoons don't ask big questions
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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