he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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