no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Even my vagina gasped.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize