i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize