I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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