I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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