i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
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So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
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Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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