Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
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I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
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thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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