I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize