fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
i think my cat just said my name.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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