Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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