Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
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DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
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Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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