I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize