dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
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Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
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That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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